На следующей выходите?!

Утро, метро, люди, кони, птицы, зубры. Ты стоишь, удерживая равновесие у дверей электрички, читаешь книжку или просто думаешь о чем-то или, если нечем — не думаешь ни о чем. Но это не важно. Важно то, что в один прекрасный момент ты каким-то шестым чувством начинаешь ощущать, что что-то сейчас должно произойти. Что-то страшное, эпическое, выходящее за рамки здравого смысла. И да, оно происходит. Тишину в твоем сознании пронзают эти три ненавязчивых слова:

«На следующей выходите?!»

Блять… Ну как так-то… Че за х*:№я?

Время замедляется, картинка в глазах слегка обесцвечивается, мозг тщетно пытается сопротивляться и не реагировать, но шея сама поворачивается и твой взгляд упирается в наполненные интеллектом глаза, отверстие под которым только что изрыгнуло этот словесный триптих. Глаза ждут.

metro_man

И тут наступает пауза. В твой мозг одна за другой начинаю проникать злобные мысли и варианты ответов:

«Какая тебе нахер разница выхожу я или еще покатаюсь?»

«Если я выхожу ты тоже выйдешь, а если я останусь — составишь мне компанию и сыграешь на балалайке?»

«Ты просто так всем сегодня задаешь разные вопросы и мне именно сейчас выпал именно этот и ответ ни на что не влияет?»

«Это реалити шоу и ты и твоя мама изучаете мою реакцию? Где оператор с камерой?»

«Завтракал ли ты сегодня, чем завтракал и какого цвета у тебя кошка?»

«Сколько удавов в попугае?»

Естественно, подсознание твое подсказывает, что это существо просто беспокоится, что если каждую минуту не будет задавать кому-нибудь этот вопрос — оно так и зависнет в этом вагоне до конца дней своих. Пожалуй, оно даже воспринимает всю поездку как некий квест, который далеко не факт что удастся пройти.

Но ты вроде бы и стоишь так, что перед тобой только двери, и это создание стоит сразу за тобой и при желании легко может тебя обойти, даже если с ним еще семеро козлят таких же. Ну и если даже вдруг ты своими широченными плечами, закрывающими весь проход, слегка мешаешь, всегда же можно во время выхода попросить тебя освободить ему дорожку.

Ну и вот так, пока ты все это прокручиваешь, твой рот все же неожиданно отвечает «ДА» — и ты смиренно продолжаешь стоять в том же направлении, котором стоял до этого, или «НЕТ» — и твое тело странным образом меняется местами с телом путника из квеста полного препятствий и приключений.

Мораль

Мораль сей басни такова, что меня за*()»№л этот вопрос. За*()»№л сам вопрос и за*()»№ли люди, которые задают его всегда, кроме случаев, когда перед ними остаются одни двери. Мне кажется, они даже задают его дверям: «На следующей открываетесь?». Я считаю что с тем же успехом можно поспрошать людей в вестибюле «На этой заходите?».

 


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